It SHOULD be the most wonderful time of the year...

And yet it is not. Here we are, nearing the wonderful confectionary holiday known as Halloween, to be closely followed by warm and cozy Thanksgiving and then later, gift and food-filled Christmas. There is a nip in the air now, leaves are starting to turn colors, and Daylight Savings time is nearing the close of another year. My brother came to visit me this weekend, and at several points we found ourselves killing time walking around various shopping areas of San Antonio, such as Huebner Oaks and the Quarry Market. As we entered the clothing stores, the Hallmarks, the Bath and Body Works, even the Starbucks, it was obvious that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were already alive and well inside these harbringers of holiday spirit. A slow sense of dread began to fill my stomach, replacing the Wendy's chicken sandwich and salad I had for lunch. What is wrong with me???

I normally love this time of year. As a matter of fact, I wrote about it earlier in this blog. However, this year is different. For some reason, I am dreading this season as it inevitably approaches. Why, you may ask? Why would someone who has always loved this glorious season suddenly fear its oncoming? Well, it has to do with the fact that I have several large projects and papers, some of which I have hardly cracked a BOOK on, that are all due in November and December. Oh, Mary, you say, that is not such a big deal. You go through this every year! You will make it - you always do well! That all may be true, but I feel as though I'm getting too old for this. My one gray hair is soon to be joined by several others, I just know it. I've never felt so incapable as I have this semester. These are some major capstone projects, not just the little research papers of undergraduate years. And what is worse, whenever I attempt to start on these things, I suddenly become absolutely fascinated with the things on my bookshelf, the people on my facebook, and the food in my refrigerator. Mary, you say, you are just being a procrastinator - you can fix that! Sure, yeah, right...no, I think there is something seriously wrong with me this time.

I end on a slightly lighter note. I keep telling myself - in two months, this will all be over and I'll be in Alabama eating Christmas Eve-Eve dinner with my grandparents and extended family. That will make it all better...until then, I will assume the fetal position. Wish me luck!

Drink of Champions!

I have never been one of those people who drinks diet soda. I remember working at the Paramount Theatre in Abilene (concession stand - whoohoo!) and shuddering when people ordered a large buttered popcorn and then a small diet soda. I was like, what's the point??!! Besides, diet drinks taste terrible. Maybe in other countries, where they have different kinds of sweeteners, it's not so bad, but here in the US of A, it is pretty awful.

However, as many of you may know (if you are my TRUE friend) that I found out that I have high cholesterol. So I've been dieting and exercising and trying to bring that down. I don't drink lots of soda every day, but I do enjoy it. Coke is my drink of choice, followed extremely closely by Pepsi. For those of you who are die-hard one or the other, we won't get into that right now. I like both, so deal with it. Dr. Pepper is perfectly fine if that is all there is. Same with Sprite. The occasional fruit-flavored soda is okay (Fanta, Squirt, etc.)

However, all of those lovely drinks have what I like to call Calories with a CAPITAL C (not the little c!). Since I'm trying to lose weight, I've been increasingly turning to diet sodas to quench my thirst, so I've pretty much run the whole gauntlet. Diet Coke...eh. I can get used to it, I guess. For a while, Diet Dr. Pepper wasn't bad...but then I got sick of it pretty fast. Of course, there is the ever-popular citrus drink with zero calories (whose name is maddeningly alluding me at the moment)- I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to. Yet, something was missing. None of these drinks were the same as a real, calorie-rich Coke.

Until one fateful day this past summer. It was a calm day, my family was at the beach in Alabama, and I was in the kitchen of the condo we all rent searching for a drink to go with my sandwich for lunch. Mom, a diet soda drinker for years now, had brought along a small bottled six-pack of Diet Pepsi. With a sigh, I reached for one and sat down. I opened it, took a sip...and was in heaven. It was sweet, light, refreshing...and no nasty aftertaste! Finally, this was what I had been searching for. A diet drink that doesn't taste like a diet drink! I was amazed. I drank the rest (not that day) and before the week was up we had to get some more for my newly-formed habit.

Since that day I have been faithfully drinking Diet Pepsi whenever possible. Most restaurants I've noticed only serve Coke products, so I usually (grudgingly) get a Diet Coke with lime or lemon (that's the only way I can stomach that stuff). However, I keep some Diet Pepsi in the fridge most of the time, and luckily UTSA has a deal with Pepsi (as does ACU, I believe, kids!), so the vending machines will happily dispense the stuff all day long.

In short, Diet Pepsi is one of the few things that I like on this diet. It's not to say that I don't sporadically drink a real Coke - I do. Just not as much anymore. I've found my replacement!

Thoughts

I'm well into the semester now...school is hard. I constantly have to tell myself to keep going, that it will all be over in a year or so. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it, though...I mean, what can a person with a Master's degree in History do? Not much. I can't teach school (no education degree or certificate), I can't teach in the university (no PhD), I can't get a job as a reference librarian (no degree), I probably couldn't even get a job in one of our local museums (no art history degree - and no experience). Why am I doing this to myself!!!???

And then I start questioning everything that I am doing right now. I mean, I live in a cool city with lots of stuff to do, go to a big church with lots of nice, friendly, Christian people, and live in a nice 2-bedroom apartment in a nice part of town...and yet, all I can think about is going back to Abilene. I miss it so much, and I miss my family most of all. I know, Derek is my true family now, but I just wish I was closer to Mom and Dad, and also to where my brother was going to school (ACU), so I could hang out with all of them more. I mean, they're pretty cool people.

I'm excited about going to Abilene for Homecoming next weekend (Oct. 14) and then the week after that Mark is coming to San Antonio to visit. However, at the end of those long weekends spent with family, as Sunday afternoon rolls around and the inevitable trip home looms before me, it takes all my strength to drag myself away from my mom's hug and trudge to the car...Abilene is so nice, so simple, so...home. What can I do?